Photo: © D. Paul Graham, “Delta Departures” SAV, Runway 10, circa 2017

“Monday 5 Things”™ ….. Joys of Flight …..

A very busy week of work in SAV, speaking in Indiana, home late Saturday with a few hours to turn around and head to fast ponies across the pond.  This hectic schedule makes your scribe thankful yet again for a library of 11 years of M5T’s. Today, from AMS, one of the greatest airports in the world, I reshare one of my favorites that I originally wrote in 2017. With tongue firmly in cheek, please raise your seat-back to the upright position, move closer to your kitchen table, and firmly grasp your cup of coffee. Electronic devices may now be used as you start your day.

I am like a kid when I fly. Really. Like a little kid full of anticipation as I walk through an airport and get settled into my seat on the aircraft. Don’t even get me started about private aviation. At my age, it would be unnerving to other passengers, and would likely involve being interviewed by security if I didn’t conceal and temper my desire to run through the terminal, hands in the air, eyes wild with excitement yelling “we’re going flying, we’re going flying!”. The only thing that used to bother me is taking off my shoes at security, but TSA pre-check has eliminated that small aggravation. Today, M5T highlights types of passengers that you will see on almost every flight.

1. The “Don’t you know how important I am?” flyer.

You’re insolent, bad mannered, self-important, and downright boorish with TSA agents, check in gate-agents, and flight attendants. Does being a rude a#$ make you feel better? They all have a job to do, and experience proves that a smile and a genuine thank you is the best policy in any country.

2. The slow walkers.

You know who you are. Lost in your own little world, you don’t even realize that we are stuck behind you as you meander through the terminal. It’s bad enough that you move with turtle-like agility, but you weave. Like a drunk. It’s as if you know when I move left to pass, you slide into my lane. I move right, you don’t even signal your intentions and leave me blocked between a gaggle of your fellow dawdling compadres.

3. The “I can’t believe this won’t fit” over-packer.

No matter how much you push, strain the hinges on the door, sigh, grunt, or curse at the size of the storage, your suitcase is too large! Two words for you – “Check It”.

4. The “Make mine a double and keep them coming”.

This tippler thinks AA is only an airline. There always seem to be one of these in proximity on any flight. Yesterday, a guy across the aisle from me consumed 4 double Dewar’s – before we took off and carried on well into the flight across the pond. And he will likely wonder why he feels jet lagged when he gets to Paris.

5. The “I’m sexy and I know it” fashionista.

There was a day when I only flew in a suit and tie, even on long haul flights over seas. That has tempered in the past couple of decades, as I have opted for some comfort, but I still feel the need to wear a suit jacket and look presentable. I am simply amazed at the preponderance of sweatpants of late. And I’m not talking designer Sergio Tacchini here. Oh, no my fellow airspace nomads. We are talking Walmart, circa 1975, headed to football practice, grey cotton baggy sweatpants, usually stained somewhere. With the added bonus of full-on plumber’s cleavage as said beau monde jet setter bends over to unpack and repack their luggage in the boarding area, all the while looking intently at the upgrade screen. Not a chance. I sincerely apologize if this image has ruined any M5Ters breakfasts this morning.

Here’s to on-time departures and arrivals as you fly through your week in all that you do.

© 2023 D. Paul Graham, all rights reserved.

For over 11 years, D. Paul Graham has published “Monday 5 Things” ™, also known to readers as M5T.

You can reach Paul by email at dpg@imagegraham.com