Photo © D. Paul Graham, “Research”, National Art Library, South Kensington, London circa 2017

“Monday 5 Things”™ ….. I Don’t Know …..

The Pudden’s, who were likely in their 70’s at the time, lived next door when I was a precocious and curious 8-year-old. Mr. Pudden had an inordinate amount of forbearance for the then-sun- bleached white-haired, pasty-skinned kid that asked a lot of questions. My questions, intermittently convergent, frequently divergent (to anyone but an 8-year-old) more often than not opened the conversation to further questions… all of which were followed by Mr. Pudden’s patient, well thought out answers, typically followed by ‘but why?’ from me. This back and forth of question-answer-why, inevitably lead to Mr. Pudden saying, “well I don’t know about that, let’s go do some research.” We would spend hours looking through his vast collection of books, dictionaries, and encyclopedias in our quest to find answers to my most vital queries of the moment. Mrs. Pudden always seemed to have a fresh batch of cookies, banana bread and, hot chocolate to sustain us during “research time” in his library. Years later, I realized the importance of what Mr. Pudden taught me; that no question should ever be ignored, that patience is needed to find answers, that learning is exciting, and saying ‘I don’t know’ can lead to all sorts of new avenues of growth. Today’s M5T once again is a homage to Mr. Pudden and takes a look at why ‘I don’t know’ is so important.

1. Wisdom.

Saying ‘I don’t know’ requires wisdom. Up through my 20’s, I was either too proud or too afraid to admit there were things I didn’t know. It was only by admitting to not knowing that led to teachable moments. Reflecting back on some of the conversations that I had with Mr. Pudden, I recognize that he probably knew the answers to a lot of my ‘why’ questions, yet he realized that by saying ‘I don’t know’, and having me look up the answers, I would be taught something.

2. Power.

Sharing a vision requires foresight, insight, yet does not require having all the answers. We are conditioned to provide quick answers to look confident and competent. However, there is power in being able to say, ‘I don’t know’. It allows others to see you as human. It balances relationships and confirming that you ‘don’t know’ takes the pressure off of being perfect all the time.

3. Leadership.

Whether at work, home, or in other relationships, saying ‘I don’t know’ equalizes objective accuracy over subjective immediacy. When a leader says, ‘I don’t know’, he or she is saying ‘help me figure this out’. It prompts discussion, builds team unity, and creates an environment for considered decision. “I don’t know’ can fill gaps in knowledge and gives pause for considered decisions.

4. Pause.

Saying ‘I don’t know’ creates a change of pace when making important decisions. It can decelerate and stabilize an out-of-control discussion. Like Mr. Pudden, saying ‘I don’t know, let’s go do some research’ shows humility, a strength of character, a sense of self, and shows you are not glib in your answers.

5. Learning.

Accepting that I can’t possibly have every answer for every situation is not only freeing but allows for opportunities to learn and mature. It leaves one’s mind open to other answers, other perspectives, and other possibilities. Embracing ‘I don’t know’ has led to disruptive discoveries, exciting experiences, and amusing adventures.

Here’s to Mr. Pudden’s library, Mrs. Pudden’s baking, and to your week of appreciating and embracing how much you don’t know.

© 2024 D. Paul Graham, all rights reserved.

For over 12 years, D. Paul Graham has published “Monday 5 Things” ™, also known to readers as M5T.

You can reach Paul by email at dpg@imagegraham.com