"Monday 5 Things" with D. Paul Graham

Flight Paths


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Photo: D. Paul Graham

Monday 5 Things…..Flight Paths…..

Last week M5T looked at five types of people that impact your life. As I dodged and weaved around people at MIA, finding slight solace in the Delta lounge, and then playing the, “can I get on board first” game, I was reminded about the five types of people that we inevitably meet in airports anywhere in the world. An insane week, with more to come, seemed to be a good reason for a re-post of one of the more popular M5T’s that I’ve written.  With tongue firmly in cheek, please raise your seatback, move closer to your kitchen table, and firmly grasp your cup of coffee. Electronic devices may now be used as you start your day.

I am like a kid when I fly. Really. Like a little kid full of anticipation as I walk through an airport and get settled into my seat on the aircraft. Don’t even get me started about private aviation. Being more than 50 years old, it would be unnerving to other passengers, and would likely involve being interviewed by security if I didn’t conceal and temper my desire to run through the terminal, hands in the air, eyes wild with excitement yelling “we’re going flying, we’re going flying!”. The only thing that bothers me is taking off my shoes at security, but TSA pre-check has eliminated that small aggravation. Today M5T highlights types of passengers that you will see on almost every flight.

1. The “Don’t you know how important I am?” flyer.

You’re insolent, bad mannered, self-important, and downright boorish with TSA agents, check in gate-agents, and flight attendants. Does being a rude a#$ make you feel better? They all have a job to do and experience proves that a smile and a genuine thank you is the best policy in any country.

2. The slow walkers.

You know who you are. Lost in your own little world, you don’t even realize that we are stuck behind you as you meander through the terminal. It’s bad enough that you move with turtle-like agility, but you weave. Like a drunk. It’s as if you know when I move left to pass, you slide into my lane. I move right, you don’t even signal your intentions and leave me blocked between a gaggle of your fellow dawdling compadres.

3. The “I can’t believe this won’t fit” over-packer.

No matter how much you push, strain the hinges on the door, sigh, grunt, or curse at the size of the storage, your suitcase is too large! Two words for you – “Check It”.

4. The “Make mine a double and keep them coming”.

The tippler who thinks AA is only an airline. There always seem to be one of these in proximity on any flight. Yesterday, a guy across the aisle from me consumed 4 double Dewar’s – before we took off and carried on well into the flight across the pond. And he will likely wonder why he feels jet lagged when he gets to Paris.

5. The “I’m sexy and I know it” fashionista.

There was a day when I only flew in a suit and tie, even on long haul flights over seas. That has tempered in the past couple of decades, as I have opted for some comfort, but I still feel the need to wear a suit jacket and look presentable. I am simply amazed at the preponderance of sweatpants of late. And I’m not talking designer Sergio Tacchini here. Oh, no my fellow airspace nomads. We are talking Walmart, circa 1975, headed to football practice, grey cotton baggy sweatpants, usually stained somewhere. With the added bonus of full-on plumber’s cleavage as said beau monde jet setter bends over to unpack and repack their luggage in the boarding area, all the while looking intently at the upgrade screen. Not a chance. And don't get me going on spandex. I sincerely apologize if this image has ruined any M5T'ers breakfasts this morning.

Here’s to on-time departures and arrivals as you fly through your week in all that you do.

© 2019 D. Paul Graham, all rights reserved.

D. Paul Graham is passionate about people, culture, photography and business. He has embraced his wanderlust with his travels around the globe and is at peace with his need for spirited drives in all things automotive.

You can find M5T each Monday here on www.southmag.com and by friending D. Paul Graham on Facebook. Paul is also a contributing photographer to South Magazine. His photographic work can be found on Instagram @dpgraham and at www.imageGRAHAM.com. Your feedback is always welcome. Email Paul at dpg@imagegraham.com